I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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