Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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