I seem to have left my pride at pride
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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