I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
