wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
