Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
