I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just had sex bonerless
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
