when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize