He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
