i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize