well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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