It's Friday. Sex?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize