He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He felt like a one man threesome
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
