shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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