its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
