there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
