I want to walk on stilts...naked
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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