Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How does one acquire holy water?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize