That's intense
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize