Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
