The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
