I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
