Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
