so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
