Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
