totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize