We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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