Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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