hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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