I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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