My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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