Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
