I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
