Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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