I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
