Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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