hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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