Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
is it fun? or sober?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
