this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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