I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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