i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
