Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
