My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
