First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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