i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
