her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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