omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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