There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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