apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
