we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
