Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Randomize
