And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
