i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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