no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
