We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
