I think my vagina is haunted
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
