So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
