i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
