3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
