It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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