I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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