i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize