epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
